I have been running away for a long time from my soul. Has if I could… wasting years in a run that didn’t take me anywhere but to lose years of a life that is being wasting in a run to escape who I Am. I remember there was a time in my life when I felt the wonderful feeling of the discovering of my soul pieces. Lifetimes craved in my soul blueprint. And this was so until, aching pains started to flood my chest and I couldn’t stand to feel so much pain. I started to question “why there was the need and what was the purpose of feeling a pain coming from a past life”? I was in a different body, having experiences in a different gender to what concern with some of them, and dealing from what was being lived in the present life and also recalling previous experiences to gather all in a growing ball that would perhaps end to explode in something not pretty to see… It was not making sense to me, because the pain would grab and drag me along with it, and I would feel powerless, lost in the midst of it. Also confused for times, because the pain felt was coming from a specific previous life but was being felt like occurring in that precise moment, even if the situation occurring had nothing to do with the previous one, it would be felt coming alive from within me. There was no separation in time for the pain, it was simply felt being there and alive. Alive and kicking… Should I say!
I started my soul discovery path from hide myself from what I couldn’t understand and would bring to me a fear for the unknown, this occurred from being a child until I was adult and having two children. And it was my second child that made me to change to a different place. In this place I was able to gather strength and courage to step for real in my soul discovery, and then my soul discovery started and it was the best thing I could have had experienced.
I went from hiding, running and fear to a place I would feel myself in heaven and embracing my power. Not all was bright, good and wonderful, but all was about to living the experience of a life according to the epoch it was placed in time, and my feet were well grounded to understand and accept the time and the lived experience. As said, all was as need and right for the time and place it was lived. Then, the experiences turned into a difficult season, when all was felt was pain, and a specific one made me to step back. Some pains makes unbearable just to watch how it was, less having to feel the pain and accepting things now are different, even the pain might feel exactly the same. And the feeling of lost speaks so loud that nothing is heard but the yelling pain. It took me four years to process this pain. To be able to look at it from all possible angles, without becoming disturbed from the feeling of loss that it was bringing from the past life, and the differences of the life today that was making me to run away, not accepting that those coming from the past, had the same soul bringing them back to my path, so forgiveness and change could have place and healing could occur. But the love bound, the soul connection, as well as the behavior of the one we needed to forgive didn’t have changed, despite all the rest was different.
Taking time to process the pain is needed, but we tend to take more time than the necessary when giving more importance to what others may think or say, and denying the pain or allowing to being drag to it and loosing ourselves in the process. To “look” in the eyes of the pain it’s painful. That’s why it calls “pain”! But necessary if you want to remove the hook pain holds over you. A painful situation causes trauma precisely because it was hurtful to a extreme point, but denying to work with the fear the pain bring to our surface, is to strengthen the hook that link us to the trauma caused by the pain. We don’t heal the pain by running away or hiding ourselves from it, we only can heal it when allowing ourselves to be with it, knowing you’re the boss of you, not the pain you are caring with you, even if and when caring it for centuries.
Life is a stage and we live it as our conscious allow us to perform, and as the surroundings demand from us an action or reaction. Nothing is lost but everything changes. Scenery, body, gender and name may seem different but is linked to the past with a invisible cord that tie us up to all we are connected until we learn the lesson, change the action, remove the obstacle and improve ourselves involving into a different state of being, where no longer we tie us to what keep us trapped and hooked to people and places that keep us in a vicious loop circling without end. All may seem different but we keep trapped endlessly if not making peace with all that was, and all that is now, not allowing anymore the painful recordings we bring in our soul to keep us circling in a loop when dragging us time and time again to the same emotional feeling felt when living the experience in the first hand.
Life may be a mystery. And it sure is. But we can solve the mystery in our soul quest, gathering piece by piece. We have to deserve being deserving. we cannot kill a animal or a person just because and then proclaim being innocent. We all make mistakes, and we repeat the mistakes, over and over again for times. If we keep without question or behavior, then nothing will change, and we will be just behaving in the exact same way as before. There is no evolution when we keep ourselves in that state of being. We need to get out of the loop mode. It will not be easy to do so. We will need persistence. To gather courage and keep filling us with strength so we don’t give up on the first, second or third failure feeling, coming up telling us it’s easier to just keep us in the same track without adding any change to it. But our bigger mistake is to give up trying, and no matter how many times we may be defeated by the failure feeling, we must not give up trying. We may not be able to change the situations, people and place we are and have to deal at the moment, but we can change the way we feel about it. Second by second, we can find something in our life to be grateful for and hold the feeling, instead of keeping us feeling always miserable. If you hold to it a second can become a minute and it may take longer, but a minute can turn into one hour, and when you notice, something is changed. For much that your mind keeps telling you there is no point in doing so, I tell you, there is! Because the way to open the trap circle loop, is to move differently from what is told. Even if not believing that moving differently will bring change, if you don’t try, you will never know.
This new year of 2022, will be a year of realizations. A door will be open to those who dare to try something different. The door of change will be available to all who dare to try to pass over it, not by doing and repeating all already made before, but by defying the odds doing something different. It doesn’t matter how and what we will do, but how much we will believe that our efforts will make the difference to where we stand now, and where we will stand after realizing we made it differently.
Accept who you are. You have light and darkness in you. Give space to your light without shattering your darkness. There will be moments you will need the strength only your darkness can give you, and it will be need to give space to it on those moments. Just know that darkness cannot overpower your light if you know where you belong. If you know who rules, your darkness won’t take control, but will bring you a balance not possible to achieve in other way.
A bad person is one who doesn’t question his/her bad behavior and always finds excuses and someone to blame. So don’t think that just because you had a bad thought or did a bad action makes you a bad person. Because what makes a bad person is to not want to change what is wrong and to never question how you would feel if the same were made to you. If you act in this way I am sorry to tell you, but you are a bad person! And also, sorry to tell but this blog is not the place for you! In case you consciously know you don't act like this, then, congratulations! You are one of the good ones and you are welcome here!
Sometimes we need to stand our ground. Knowing who we are helps to understand why we tend to act and react in certain ways. In other words, don’t be a bad person, but don’t be a fool, either.
Life adds different aspects to it, you can´t achieve a healthy balance in life if you only give your attention to one aspect denying all others. One of the reasons people came together is precise because few are able to achieve balance in all four aspects, we most likely will be able to strengthen two or three of them but not likely all the four, so it helps when we find someone whose aspects more reinforced teams with ours bringing different pieces to the table that offers balance. Not to give but to add. Keep this in thought because, you need to do your personal work always, since no one can give what you deny to yourself. They only can add to what you already have and is accepted as it is. And the same works in opposite.
Don’t look to how it looks like, but pay attention to how it feels. There is where the truth lays.
All this said how will we deal if a “new” (if felt for the first time) or old pain surfaces and overcomes you? If someone you love dearly, but you believe not being appropriate, maybe because you have age gap, a race or status belief surfacing and taking power, if this person comes or returns to you, what will you do?
Will you repeat the same already done before, or will you try to give a chance to a different approach and choice despite the fear you may feel?
Ready for a 2022 renewed soul quest?
Let’s walk strait and confident!
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